Each year, self-help books fly off the shelves as Americans clamor to crack the code on happiness once and for all. But new research suggests that we might be going about this whole “pursuit of happiness” thing the wrong way—and it’s helping us to understand what the true path to happiness actually looks like.
What the research says
In a new study published by the American Psychological Association, researchers from New York University, University of Toronto, and UC Berkeley observed that happiness tends to elude those who desire it the most, confirming what many doctors, therapists, and mental health professionals have known all along.
Over a span of 11 years, the survey collected data from 1,815 people of different ages, genders, and ethnicities. “The study authors found that it wasn’t the aspiration to feel happy that led to poorer outcomes, but the negative self-judgments associated with that aspiration, which tend to worsen emotional states,” says Leslie Sanders, PsyD, clinical psychologist and program director at AToN Center.
In other words, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be happy; however, consciously and consistently focusing on achieving happiness could be what ultimately keeps you from it. “When people fixate on achieving happiness, they can become overly self-critical or frustrated when their efforts don’t yield results, ultimately decreasing well-being,” says Jeanne Cross, LCSW, licensed therapist and owner of EMDR Center of Denver.
“The research highlighting how actively pursuing happiness can backfire aligns with what I have observed in clinical practice,” says Christine Baker, PhD, LPC, founder of Wayfare Counseling. “When we anxiously monitor and judge our happiness levels—what researchers call ‘meta-emotions’—we activate our threat-response system, creating internal pressure that inhibits our capacity for genuine positive experiences.”
Happiness is a fleeting emotion
Psychologists stress that “happiness is more effectively attained indirectly,” says Cross. According to the experts that I spoke with, that’s because the idea of happiness as a prize that you can pursue head-on is inherently flawed.
“Like all emotions, happiness is transient. It comes and it goes,” says Hari Nair, Indic wellbeing expert and founder of Leela Life. The key is shifting from “pursuing happiness” to creating the conditions that allow it to emerge naturally, says Dr. Baker—“much like you can’t force a garden to grow, but you can create the right conditions for it to flourish.”
According to Nair, creating conditions that attract happiness is ultimately about living a life as close to your innate qualities as possible. Aligning your real-world responsibilities, relationships, and activities with your natural tendencies and personality traits reduces friction between who you are and the life you lead. “Over time, when you are in that mode, you become more and more intuitive in how you go about things. And that gradually takes you to this state of alignment—and ultimately joy,” he says.
“Happiness isn’t effectively achieved through direct pursuit because it’s not actually a destination or fixed state; it’s an emergent experience that arises from how well we’re attuned to ourselves and connected to others,” says Dr. Baker. “When we become overly focused on achieving happiness, we paradoxically disconnect from the present-moment experiences and relationships that naturally give rise to positive emotions.”
Go with the flow
If you’re not able to quit your desk job to take a run at your passion project, don’t fret. Realistically, there’s only so much in our lives that most of us can actually change. Fortunately, cultivating a lifestyle that is conducive to happiness is not an all-or-nothing game; simply adding a couple of your favorite activities to your schedule each week can go a long way in lifting your spirits and sparking joy.
